I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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