My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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