So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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