Screwed.edu
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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