I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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