I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
