Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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