Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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