And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
