I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
