There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
