Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
