The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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