Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
