First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
