Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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