How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we're making bets on your personal life
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
