If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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