Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
