my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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