If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
