u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
