Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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