just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
