My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
