There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
