I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
