That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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