She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
