Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
