just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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