new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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