There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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