i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
