I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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