I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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