btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
