They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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