I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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