She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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