Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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