shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
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