yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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