I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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