You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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