i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
