Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
