My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's blow job season.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
