How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I love you.
Bad choice
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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