We named our party play list daddy issues
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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