my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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