the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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