I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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