Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
