you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
