Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
