It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
