i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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