she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
