you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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