Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
