I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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