I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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