I have demons in me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
