Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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