I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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