I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
