lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
