chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
