Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
