I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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