He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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