First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
